I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
