I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my liver is dry heaving
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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