our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
