you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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