so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
