Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I touched a dick in church today
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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