Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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