Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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