I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
