I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
