Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
