Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
