I bet he comes in French.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Drake has all the answers
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize