i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize