My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
