I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my shit smells like andre
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
