Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
