Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
