Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize