as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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