FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
