just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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