bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
