come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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