i permit you to call me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
