those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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