i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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