if only i could text you this smell
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
