True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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