My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
