Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
