why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
