All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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