Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up under a house in Key West
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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