meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
