Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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