My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
