She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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