i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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