I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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