she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
