it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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