Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize