My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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