And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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