we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my poor anus
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
