I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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