dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
