Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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