My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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