This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
