You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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