OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
