we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
