I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
