how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
