no, he came in my armpit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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