You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
