I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
