The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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