I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
