The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
