I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
