I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
