two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize